Wednesday, 12 December 2012

Old reasons.


Old reasons. I am so over this. I am so glad I am out of this. I am so happy where my feelings lie with this. Old and in the past. 

I listened to Foo fighters yesterday. It reminded me of when I had two tickets. But you didn't want to pay for one as you'd spent you're money. And to make a point I wasn't going to pay for your ticket. So I went with a close friend. I spent the entire night on the phone fighting with you because we were scattered.

I went to the movies the other day. I remember crying my eyes out the first time I wanted to go to the movies with you. On Valentines day, In hans cafe I balled my eyed out in front of everyone from your nasty words, because we were scattered. You kept muttering insults under ur breathe to stop me from crying. Only it made it worse. 

I wanted to go to the Melbourne cup this year, but instead I spent the day in bed crying. Last year we got all dressed up but because we were scattered, you said some horrible nasty things and we had to wait for your friend to come over, I even wrote a poem about the beautiful girl in the dress, only ever trying to impress. I remember the tears of pain as I wrote that. I asked you to read it. You didn't. I hand wrote it to give to you to read, you threw it at me. I never hand wrote anything again.

Now I'm at the apple store. The last time I was here I wanted to buy you the microphone kit. I asked you to come in. You refused. You had a go at me because I asked you to park. When I got in the car we had a fight. I cried and cried in frustration from your words of torture. I couldn't handle it. I jumped out of the car on the freeway to escape. No shoes, phone or money. I tried hitch hiking home. No one stopped. It got dark. It must have been an hour before I heard you beep. You apologized and took me to the movies. Well I paid but same thing. That was the first time we ever went to the movies in 9 months. 

** So I had this as a draft to continue as thoughts came to me. 

But today, I feel so relaxed and excited for the future. Despite the obstacles, the unknown journey before me. It inspires me from within. So I don't think I need this anymore..

*** another week later, I haven't added anything more.. Because I haven't given these memories any kind of energy.  I am free. Free from the blinded pain.

Into reality and it is glorious. I love life, love the future, love the lessons and love the blessing in disguise. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to grow in strength and wisdom. 

** another week has past. Still nothing. Let's put an end to this and post it. 

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